Hello, to anyone who reads this blog...
If I am the only one who does, I at least want to encourage myself (and hopefully others who stumble upon this feeble attempt at a blog) with the faithfulness of our God.
Just to be open and honest, Life has been a struggle the last 3 years, but it hasn't always looked the same..
.Food and exercise and body image (as was the main topic of my blog years ago) have been struggles still, but in the last 3 years I have come face to face with the real issues behind that struggle, which is the ultimate struggle.
Background: I had a period of dark, deep depression for many months...After seeing doctors and therapists, the Lord lifted the veil of darkness and for a while I thought I was gaining my footing, reaching a more "holy" place...
But when the darkness lifted, I started to drift...I can't pinpoint an action, a moment, a time even when this happened...But I have seen the effects in my heart and life over the last 2 years.
The struggle I fight (and find myself losing more often than not) is the love of self, the preoccupation with self, the love of the world and the things of the world...All these things have nearly choked out my love for the Father...the One who adopted me freely, died for me freely, to redeem me from death, sin, fear, failure, darkness and every result of the fall.
Compounding this struggle is the feeling that I don't fit in with the body of Christ because of these failings...I know in my heart my loves are different, my thoughts are different, my actions are different....The devil I believe wants me to feel those things, because it has made me step away from the church, not every Sunday but a lot of them...
The Lord has saved me, I know, he keeps pursuing me it is clear. He pursued me tonight...I had no intention of writing this post or even meditating on spiritual things.
But God in his mercy always finds way to catch His children before they fall too far...There is so much I could say, but I think the most important thing for me is to express my thankfulness for specific things/people...
1) Those who helped me get out of an abusive relationship (you know who you are!)...Thanks for standing by me and always telling me the truth, even before I was willing and able to hear it!
2) Amy and Carol - thanks for praying and loving on me every Thursday night!
3) Special people at work who constantly amaze me with their love for God and others
4) Kristi - thanks for pouring out your heart with me! I love you so much!
5) Providence - thankful for friends and family there who love and support me and love the Lord with all their heart soul and mind
6) My parents, and all the lovely people of North Ridge Bible Chapel who introduced me to the Gospel long ago!
7) Jen - for helping me think positively and let go of negative thinking about myself, to realize I am worthy and capable
I pray that you will be encouraged by the following quote, because it is one that moved me deeply tonight, and gives me sure hope to keep on keepin on in the faith even when He seems far (He's not though!)
"I believe in the sun even when its not shining,
I believe in love even when I'm alone,
I believe in God even when He is silent"
- C.S. Lewis Lord, help us believe even in the silence!
To anyone who reads this, God loves you and He is jealous for your heart! Take heart, He has overcome the world!
Rejoicing,
Em
5 years ago
