Missions Festival 2010

This weekend was Missions Festival at Providence. It was so encouraging to hear how God is working all over the world. And it made me realize how selfish I am. All I ever think about is me. I am priority number 1 in my prayer life it seems so often. But really, God desires all men to know Him and He has given us the task to spread His Gospel all over the globe. And I don't even spread it here where it's comfortable.

David Horner said this, and it really pricked my heart: At the last day, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Whether they want to or not. And so many people are without Hope, because they have never been told of the One who came and lived and died to give us an eternal relationship with the Godhead, with everlasting joy and the promise of eternal life with Him in a new creation!

A prayer to the God of My Life

Yesterday was my birthday. Birthdays are filled with fun and expressions of love from friends and family. That I was looking forward to. However, birthdays have always been occasions when I worried about the calories in a piece of cake and what I should eat that wouldn't make the scale mad at me in the morning.

All week I had been dreading my birthday dinner with friends because I was worried I would binge or worse, feel the need to compensate for it later (I think you know what I mean!)

OK. Today is the morning after. No bingeing, no purging, no laxatives. Thus, no tears! It is so freeing to let go of our worldly desires and let Christ desires be our desires.

God desires a relationship where we come to Him to be fed. To be satisfied. To find joy. To see truth and recognize lies.

True satisfaction will NOT come from overeating or from restricting. We have to come to the Living Word of God and let him transform our hearts.

"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food all the day and night, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'... Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God: for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God....

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. " -Taken from Psalm 42

Why start a blog? This is me.

A friend suggested I start a blog to record my struggles with food and obsession with my body in an attempt to document how Christ uses this struggle to draw me closer to Himself and to set me free from this bondage to bingeing/restricting.

Over a decade of binge eating have brought me feelings of shame and unholiness. This led me to pursue restricting and at times I would try to eat as little as possible to avoid fainting and lose as much weight as quickly as possible.

If only I were thin, I would be happy. If only I wore a size 2, I would be happy. If I was thin, I would be more attractive and more worthy to be loved. If I were really too thin, people would admire my self-control and envy me, giving me the attention I desire.

These are all lies. Lies from the pit of Hell. Lies that Satan wants girls and women to believe to minimize our joy in Christ.

Being thin, being a size 2 will never fill the emptiness inside. I'm just now starting to trust and believe that God loves me and I am beautiful in his sight because He formed me, he knitted me together in my mother's womb, to be reflection of His glory! That is beautiful!